I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
