i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
