my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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