too bad you live with your parents still
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
