If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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