I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
