I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
