My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
