My balls are so social today.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
