Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
