They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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