Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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