Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
