I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
