I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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