the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
