I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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