His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
