walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
