im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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