i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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