My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
