he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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