The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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