he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
