Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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