Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
