His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
