yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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