...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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