I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
