we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
