Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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