I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
