i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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