So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
