The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
