why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
