when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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