I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you had me at cake vodka
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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