why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize