I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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