Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
