my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
