I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Randomize
