Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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