hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
