The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my shit smells like andre
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
