One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
