No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This baby is an asshole
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
