Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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