You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
