K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
