She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
