i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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