He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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