Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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