So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
