he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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