I hate your face
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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