Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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