bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize