You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
