tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
