We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
